#eight days is a lot of work
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having a stressful time at work but i think it's very important to point out the other day i was asking a guy for help and he's like aight gotcha and then we go to this freezer room and he, from somewhere beyond a mound of boxes, just goes "you like anime right?"
sir this is the FIRST TIME we have spoken how did you clock that.
(he claims i had the vibes of someone who liked it then i was like oh like the woman in the deli wearing a jujutsu- and before i can finish the series name he says "no not her, she just liked the shirt. she's never watched anime". . . oh. i see. you have already had this debate with her then. okay.)
EDIT UPDATE:
So I got clocked AGAIN as a weeb by a coworker because I saw part of her outfit and was like "oh, Attack on Titan?" and while I then said I've never watched it she said that's fair then "do you know anything about vtubers?" and I just. Are you kidding me. I mean yeah but like. Why is your safe question with me "do you know about vtubers".
WHAT AURA DO I BRING TO A GROCERY STORE TO BE CALLED OUT LIKE THIS?
#moe talks a lot#not art#also im trying to swap from pick up to stocking and specifically dairy stocking#bc they seem to always have the hardest time keeping things stocked#and all of pick up has to stop them from working to ask for things in the back which keeps things from getting stocked#and this one guy made a terrible mistake of telling me#yeah we're like the unwanted ginger stepkids of the grocery store#because my brain immediately went NO IM ADOPTING THE DAIRY DEPARTMENT AS MY BELOVED GINGER KIDS#i told my mom that comment and she immediately laughed and said welp thats your department now#before i could even tell her i mentally adopted them#anyway gotta get to bed soon bc i do actually think i was a bit sick ? im so tired despite napping earlier#and only working a partial shift (five hours instead of eight)#sooooo gotta get rested up for the next three (or more!) days#since ive been cursed with no social life and will always work saturday and sunday#so even though my current schedule ends saturday and the next week schedule will be released At Some Point for sunday onward#i have yet to have a sunday off so i am most likely working sunday again#like the job itself is rough and i dont think the pick up workers like me much but every other department seems v nice and chill#i will continue to write essays in the tags no one can stop me
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in an older ask (before the bracelet comic) you broke down, basically, the odds of donnie recognizing his family to different degrees on any given day... i'm curious, what would the odds be now, now that he has the bracelet?
Hell yeah let's do more Swanatello Math~
Let's say his family visits him eight times-- this time with the bracelet.
-> Maybe one time out of eight, usually less, Donnie will not be able to recognize them and will treat them as intruders, driving them off. There are occasions when he disregards the message of the bracelet or forgets it too quickly to be helpful.
-> Two times out of eight, Donnie will be able to recognize them enough to not view them as threats, but will not be able to organically recall any further details about them. He is confused and frustrated. He recognizes something is wrong, and can comprehend the research materials he's reading, but no actual memories are being pinged in his brain, leaving him in a very frightening, bizarre, uncanny-valley sort of space. He has to repeatedly reference notes and journals to try to puzzle the identities of his family together, which is upsetting and embarrassing. Days like these focus on providing comfort and support to Donnie, but the context that his research board and bracelet provide does make this easier to manage now.
-> One time out of the eight, Donnie will be able to recognize his family but struggles to comprehend his current situation or recall details surrounding it, though he recognizes something is wrong. He knows that Raph is here, and he remembers Raph fully, but has a difficult time processing why they're here at the lake instead of being at home; it's just not sinking in for him. Things in his brain are not matching up, and he is confused and frustrated. His family will have to re-explain to him what's going on, typically multiple times. Days like these focus on providing comfort and support to Donnie, but the jumpstart that the research and bracelet provide often makes this process much easier.
-> One time out of eight, Donnie will be able to recognize his family enough to not view them as threats, but will not always be able to recall further details about them. He's not able to fully process that anything is wrong unless it's explained to him, (usually more than once,) but even then it seems to overall elude him and not fully sink in. He will happily spend the day showing his lake off to his family, dancing with them, etc. His bracelet and research board help, but on days like these he often seems unable to fully retain this information throughout the day. These days are usually pretty frustrating for his family, but are overall lower-stress for Donnie, at least. False memories are common on these days.
-> Three times out of eight, Donnie is able to both recognize his family and recall details about their current situation. He remembers the family members who are currently with them, and sometimes even those who are absent, and understands that he is currently being affected by magick that manipulates his memory and patterns of thinking.
Overall, the bracelet has improved the situation. The family has to take care to try to be present as much as possible, however, as receiving this information from the bracelet and research board can sometimes be very scary or disorientating, and they've found that having someone around either during this process or immediately after is very important. Typically, if Donnie wakes up, receives the message from his bracelet, inspects the research board, and waits for the promised family to arrive... and then they don't, he'll panic and quickly lose trust in the information. He may react negatively to any family members once they do show up. Swanatello overall tends to do poorly when left alone, they've discovered.
#swanatello#asks#its gotten better but its still rough#the difficult thing is is that while the situation has improved overall#and in terms of making progress towards their goal and spending time together its a big step forward#its arguably more difficult and higher stress for swanatello#in the past about five out of eight days would be days that he didnt recognize anything was wrong or that he was forgetting anything#and so that wasnt something he had to grapple with or stress over#now thats only one or two out of eight days#and every other day hes under huge amounts of emotional and mental strain trying to work through all of this#which is tough and takes a lot out of him#hes having breakdowns or panic attacks on a regular basis#which is hard on him and on his family (who ofc hates to see him suffer)#luckily he has his family's support at least <3
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Any number? 23 and saïx :)
couldn't count all the ways that i've died for you
[ID: a digital drawing of saix from kingdom hearts. He is shown from the hip up, his body in 3/4's and his face in profile. He is shadowed in warm tones. He has a neutral expression, and he's standing straight.
The background is transparent except for a circle that lays from the middle of his shoulders and upwards, with three sections that have a slightly bigger circumference where one to three, seven to eight, and eight to nine would be on a clock. All scenes are blue tones with a noise overlay. these three are all from saix's perspective.
In the first, there is a cloaked figure shown from the waist down, the tip end of young xehanort's keyblade leans forward and some of it goes out of bound, tiled floor as a background. The second one is saix's hand reaching for kingdom hearts. The third is his hand reaching towards Lea, who lies on the floor of radiant garden's lab.
The rest of the circumference is a labyrinth wall in keyblade's graveyard, with a harsh diagonal line of light on the upper half. Most of the circumference is lined black, except from nine to one o'clock, lined white. /End ID.]
#here ya go! :]#typhra#hi dear!!! you're probably gonna see this a little later than when i'm posting but mwah mwah#i didn't know what to do at first!! the og idea was using 'you color me in from my skin to my bones' with berserker saix#then 'are you lost? Take my hand' (see: subject x) but couldnt figure it out and then this idea came to me and i went on a frenzy (jesting)#i'm also not great @mouths/teeth but i will eventually work on figuring teeth out. I'd love to do a more elaborate berserker saix one day#anyway this was so much fun ty for the ask :]#there's a lot of trivia for this one#i told typhra right away but when the ask came in i was currently listening to no.23 of the list#this song was a runner up for the lyric i would slap over that is/alea kissy pic i drew months ago#which is funny to me#There was another piece of trivia but i'm drawing a blank hold up#saix kh#nano does reqs#my doods#oH YEAH#when i originally said 'this is done!' The time stamp (....i work slow) was 8:07 and after i noticed some details#it became 8:09 which i think is hilarious since#8/7 as his new/old org number and 8/9 as eight and death number?? okay damn#hilarious universe tysm#23
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an idea for how another character could meet barton in an untraditional way: your muse met barton while he was in residency by expressing concern for him as they saw him at the grocery store... with only like five bottles of wine in his cart at the checkout 🫠 JSJSJ
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#so i may or may not have this hc now that barton used to tell himself that wine didn't get him as badly drunk as whiskey / bourbon did-#while he was in residency so that was his uhhh. vice of choice i guess you could say at pretty much any given moment that he wasn't working#but if i'm being honest... it got barton drunk even MORE as he always drank red wine and that's saying something BC this man has a high#alcohol tolerance to the point where it usually takes him about maybe seven or eight shots of whiskey for him to start feeling anything#but yeahhh a lot if not all of this man's coping methods to deal with stress during residency were either unhealthy or on the borderline-#of being dangerously reckless such as him choosing to gamble at that one bar i told y'all about that he frequents to this day until-#he won big but wellll he wasn't always good at gambling let me just say that AHHH so no matter what this guy tries to tell you-#barton was going THROUGH it FR when he was in residency and he would neverrr want to relive those years again#tw: alcohol mention.#tw: mentions of unhealthy coping mechanisms.
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I’ve been so preoccupied with outside of work things this morning I truly had a moment of shock when I received a work related buzz and was just like :o !
#ramblings#listen I have to organize shit for con well#because I have to make sure I hit the necessary volunteer hours needed for con staff#but also want to make sure I can go to at least one or two panels#most ballroom stuff is just fri/sat so it’s two eight hour days basically#but I do not envy the registration folks they work so hard and get the most shit#there are some legitimate complaints but also ppl are jerks to reg#working con is fun! but it’s a lot of planning lol
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sorry i'll delete this later if i remember but i need to complain about a post i saw (SORRY). post about "if a retail worker took a desk job for a day everything would probably be fine and if a desk worker was in retail for a day they'd break down" and the notes are predictably full of people working desk jobs going THAT is NOT true this is STILL labor this is STILL work there is NO unskilled labor how could you throw your fellow workers under the bus like this
which, whatever, i think applying "no such thing as unskilled labor" to that situation when unskilled labor is usually taken to mean menial physical labor and not desk work is tacky but whatever. but also how the fuckkkkkk are you getting desk jobs 😭 seeing people go "you forget many desk workers DID their time in customer-facing work and took a desk job to get away from it" as if "getting away from it" is that easy!!! drives me up the fucking wall!!! whatever
#all work takes time and uses your body and asks a lot often too much of you etc etc whatever#im saying that i am in a job that is both socially and physically demanding#i am fucking TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#working eight hours a day running fifteen miles with no time for breaks so i can go home and ponder if i really need to eat this week#it is pissing me off and seeing people go ermmmm desk work is hard too its like#this is not compassionate or empathetic of me and i do feel bad about it but it reallydoes get on my nerves#and the complaint made in the first place is more about the position of privilege you have to be in to access a desk job#in the first place when a lot of the jobs available rn are these shitty service jobs. everyone is fucked naturally but its not like#ugh. i dont know. its irritating to me in a way that is meaningless and doesnt fit into any framework or understanding of labor#and so i should probably just let it go but FUCKKKKKKK. maybe i just hate my job. i definitely just hate my job#but where else is a dropout to go! i am only good for my body and one day i will not even have that because of the work im doing now
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We are just now realizing that still being on the short list of kitten fosterers means that we're going to be having to handle weaning five 3-4 week old kittens that need to be fed every few hours while also having university four to six hours a day and honestly, that's not going to be very fun. We'd say "maybe we should have taken on less art challenges this year" but honestly we've been having a great time with the art challenges it's just the 4-6 hours of school that's been rapidly eroding our soul
#we speak#one of them is still feral enough to hiss at us and we've already been overlapping Older Kitten Socialization with our other junk#god. you don't realize how much free time you have until you lose it we guess. this is why we've been unemployed for the past 4 years#...outside of the disability we mean#god. how did we survive this the first time. every time we attend any educational institution we gain so much sympathy for kids and teens#imagine having to go through this shit for eight hours a day AND no one respects your autonomy so you can't even leave#AND a bunch of places have bullshit laws that makes it a legitimate crime for you to not be trapped in a tiny box like this#for eight hours a day#man. yknow sometimes we see kids online being dumb or uneducated or whatever and think that theyre cunts#but then we remember how much of a blatant human rights violation a lot of school is and we're like. man.#sure it would help if any of them actually looked shit up but honestly children are failed by the school system to a massive extent#and it's a miracle that we made it out of our own school experience with as much willingness to learn as we did#because it's genuinely fun to acquire new skills and knowledge and the current school system is set up in such a way#that it literally creates a pathological avoidance to the things and environments that are taught in it#like man we loved math as a kid and then school crushed that out of us with a burning passion#and now we flounder with budgeting. both because of the need to use every single piece of everything and not Waste things from upbringing#and because trying to sit down and actually legitimately budget things is irreversibly associated with math from school#which has of course contributed to our current poor money habits where if we spend money on anything it has to Last#and if it can't Last then it haunts us for the next fifteen years#children should be allowed more leeway online not only because they are still learning how existing Works#but because everyone and their dog is determined to make it impossible for them to pick what they want to do with their bodies and lives#honestly we think it contributes to this current puritanism thing. need permission to do anything. need an authority#these kids arent ever given the chance to be themselves without being told what to do. no wonder they flounder without an authority figure
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I think I've reached my burnout point this semester
#I love my major a lot but 7 10-hour work days in a row to write nearly eight thousand words of heavily academic language#is a lot
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Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now
(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)
(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)
Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh
#(I'm emotional because I've been feeling bad about it all lately. enjoying things I make I mean—art or ocs or frivilous things.)#(So remembering that song and when it came out. That I couldn't see them in person. But i held onto it my own way. As something I loved)#(Something I still do love a lot... Parts of me saying no—you don't hate it. No. I'll help you remember more. I'm a little misty about it.)#The song is just The Killers - Run For Cover. I couldn't see them in person all those years ago—family went without me.#All my new oc rework with Zin and Hunter and Caia were like a year old or so.#It's a little silly. But the character Zin's derived from was a lightning mage so I stuck to it—I like monhun's zinogre for what its worth#So there's recurring theme and imagery. Thunder's not lightning but the sound and the feeling after the flash the flame and strike.#There's that meaningful thought—the story is the aftermath of a big tragedy. It matches what I like in monsters and other chars.#And at that time—my favourite band I missed out on puts out a really good song I download everywhere and it goes like:#He motioned me to the sky/ I heard heaven and thunder cry/ Run for cover/ Run while you can baby don't look back/ You gotta run for cover#And it goes on of course. The rest of the song's still really good. There's more that fits but point is; More evocative imagery.#So there. Why my bundle of OCs—Zinadia Hunter and Caia's story—is called Thunder 20XX. minus the 20XX. That's tongue-in-cheek#About some day I'll manage to make something tangeable or broadly shareable with them. I guarentee this century!#Thunder... oh my darling Thunder. Eight years man. More than that if I really want to count pre-rework INTO the complete original work. but#I like that it's definably 8. I like that I remembered I've always loved them a lot. Always been my thing to lean on even by name...#I need to get to sleep. Ive gotten a little more emotional over one song than I'd rather regularly be. Give it a listen maybe? Goodnight#Armour clanking#I need an oc tag#What have you gathered to report to your progenitors?🎶Are your excuses any better than your senator's🎶He held a conference#and his wife was standing by his side🎶He did her dirty but no-one died🎶#I saw Sonny Liston on the street last-night black-fisted and strong singing🎶Redemption song🎶#He motioned me to the sky🎶I heard heaven and thunder cry🎶RUN FOR COVER#What are you waiting for—a kiss or an apology?🎶You think by now you'd have an A in toxicology🎶#It's hard to pack the car when all you do is shame us🎶Even harder when the dirtbag's famous🎶#I saw my mother on the street last night all pretty and strong singin🎶The road is long🎶#I said 'Mama I know you tried!'🎶But she fell on her knees and cried🎶RUN FOR COVER#Just run for cover - you've got nothin left to lose...
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i'm really fucking done with entitled ass men today
#exhibit a: man sitting next to me on my first train this morning who i thought was just manspreading and i kept moving up#until I realised he was rubbing his thigh against mine on purpose#exhibit b: smiled at a man's dog. man looked me up and down and called me a sexy girl and then laughed when I started walking faster#exhibit c: waiting for friend outside restaurant reading about north korean defectors as you do#guy gets in my face asking my name and complimenting me and tbf he did actually apologise and back off when he saw I was uncomfortable#and like. I try not to complain about this shit too much.#but all this happened in the space of ONE DAY#during eight hours of which I did not leave my place of work#it's not a compliment#it's scary and I still don't know how to handle it#and like I can laugh it off a lot of the time but I feel really angry about exhibit a tonight especially#on the plus side I had a lovely meal with an old friend#and my boss said nice things to me that made me cry but like happy cry#but yeah#the conversation around street harassment feels quiet at the moment#I'm tired of hearing that it doesn't happen anymore#it's still relentless
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reading my drafts like damn this is so good i should really finish it and post it as i am actively closing the window
#this blogs drafted posts#the fanfics i have been working on for literal years#you name it#brain is convinced they are the best things i have ever made but REFUSES to work on them smh#i reread my in progress fics all the time because i like them so much and STILL take zero action#like id have to relook at some of my published stuff but im fairly certain that at LEAST my top three of my own fics are unfinished#just rotting away in my drafts smh#can always tell how much i like one of them by how many different versions i have saved#or if they have outlines#i’ll outline for eight years before i write three words#have a bsd fic that has been like 500 words away from being finished for half a year that bothers me every day#and im still NOT working on it#i know this is a common problem and lots of people struggle with it but GOD i really do feel dumb about it lol#like babe just sit down and finish the things if you want them done so badly#i was rereading a few of my wips this week to try and spur myself into writing but just ended up annoying myself lol#and then i nearly doubled the drafts i have for this blog with half written posts#so i just had to complain about myself for a hot minute don’t mind me rip
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Wait wait wait
You do witchcraft???
That's so cool! I had no idea there were other witches in the TMNT fandom!!!
What kind of witchcraft do you practice?? Personally, I deal mostly with divination, but I'd love to hear more about other people's crafts!
I do! ^^ Though admittedly my practice has been a little bit dormant as of late because I sort of fell out of habit after An Event which was a Bit Disruptive to My Life lol. But I guess I kind of dabble in a bit of everything? I dunno if I could pin myself down to just one kind of practice yet, I still sort of consider myself a Baby Witch. But I really like making little spelljars and casting candle spells and things of the like, and I've been trying to learn tarot for a while now! I also really like making and drawing sigils... For a while part of the joy for me has been just Learning New Things.
^ ft. gecko enclosure and tail lol. BoS and altar not pictured.
#ive got kind of a budget witchcraft thing going on lmao#coz thats kind of my fav part of it? that you can kind of just do it however a little bit so long as you have like#intention and are mindful#all my spelljars are the bottles that vaccines would come in at my old workplace (i used to work at a vet office!)#and since we would mostly just throw them out i could just take them and repurpose them so now ive got a ton#ive got a small collection of crystals coz i like those#my practice is a lot of meditation and grounding and mindfulness and shit like that#blah blah blah tricking myself into taking care of me etc etc#for a while i would. like. every day meditate ground and choose an intention for the day#and pick out some pocket crystals to bring with me that matched that intention#but then my schedule got fucked in eight different ways = 3 = so im working on getting back to it#eventually lol#honestly i love talking abt this stuff and would love to get back into it/meet other ppl who do witchcraft its been a hot second since#like#ive truly indulged...#asks#anon#witchcraft#witchblr#i gotta follow some witchy blogs smh lemme know if yall have any suggestions
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i keep seeing posts about how the term "boundaries" is constantly misused to inflict rules on other people when boundaries "only relate to rules for yourself" which..... isnt true according to things ive discussed with my therapist? like yeah the overuse of medical terms as get out of jail free buzzwords is bad but also strict black or white rulings of a concept in a tweet or two is also bad, especially since i have not seen a damn one of these come from a credible source, either a mental health professional or like, clinical terminology sources
CONCRETE EXAMPLE where i set a boundary with roommates that required behavior changes on their part that my therapist named specifically as a boundary when i described it:
dishes are the biggest point of contention in basically any living situation with multiple people. my previous roommates were really bad at doing them, in a way that resulted the kitchen being really gross if i hadnt just cleaned it. even after many requests to do basic things of "empty the sink trap of soggy food so it doesn't rot" and "dont hoard dishes long enough to grow an ecosystem" over m o n t h s, i got nowhere with dishes being done regularly in a way that didnt bother me
in the end it was so continuously upsetting that i told them to not do the dishes at all ever whatsoever, i would take care it. mind, i was the only one who worked out of the house while commuting via bus as a chronically ill person with severe fatigue and i was putting in an average of 50 hrs a week every week for werks on end at the time. me deciding to take this on was not done lightly, this was me recognizing that it was better and healthier for all of us for me to take on this one task. it would result in me being much happier in that living situation at no real cost to the other party other than maybe the dishes would stack up a bit if i was particularly exhausted one day, but things would get caught up within the week
this did not go down well despite my best efforts, and i would not be surprised if this black and white portrayal of what boundaries are influenced that. this nonsense went down over like six solid months and every single session i had with my therapist had him absolutely baffled because he couldn't think of a single thing i could have done better
i am not a mh professional i do not know the specific difference between "dont do this thing it upsets me" and "dont do this thing that 'upsets' me because i am controlling you", but the blanket statement of calling something like this a boundary is misusing the term is black and white thinking. i have bpd, ive done some dbt about it and the first thing they teach you is how to spot black and white thinking because it us incredibly mal adaptive and *really fucking dangerous* and this specific trend is going to be taken advantage of by abusers just as much as coopting the use of "boundaries" to justify their behavior
tldr "boundaries are never about other people's behavior" and "you can't do xyz thing because it violates my boundaries" are two sides of the same abusive coin. people who have put in the work in a tangible and meaningful way, who are able to examine their motives and give grace to other people within their boundaries, can recognize that boundaries are a spectrum, like everything with social relationships and mental health in general
#mochi rambles#listen work has been absolute bullshit#like ungodly amounts of bullshit#i am so deep in bullshit i do not know how to deal with i have spent most of the eight days ive been back#absolutely screaming in a very literal sense#please note i returned last week after spending a week in the hospital because i almost died#it has not been a good month and i am fucking tired of these fucks who read one article about a thing#wnd feel confident making bullshit blanket statements#that then go viral#because people dont know the meaning of nuance#surprise!!!! turns out healthy approaches to interpersonal relationships have a lot of nuance#almost like people are individuals with individual needs qnd individual thoughts and individual histories#that impact how they interact with others and how they perceive others intents in their interactions#this is why black and white thinking is dangerous#more or less#im not a professional this is just what ive gathered from seeing mh pros pretty consistently for a decade#anyway im so fucking salty in general rn#but also specifically salty that i lost two friends i really cared about because their hang ups#resulted in my very genuine attempts to maintain a good relationship#being veiwed as abuse tactics#leading to them spreading slander to the same effect among other friends#who have subsequently dropped me#while me and my therapist over here in my standing bi werkly appointments are like wtf#and there has been so much of everything else that i have not had the brain to decide#if its worth the effort to try and convince people im not the bad guy#....... man i do not have enough time for all the therapy appointments i woukd really like to have#because fuck this year has been Something
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Hiya honey girl!
How are you doing? ♥️
I feel gay today, and I don’t have anyone to vent to, so it’s gonna be you I’m afraid
I feel so gay, I spent half the day looking longingly in the distance, and *sighing* wishfully
Do you ever feel like that?
Last week I bought a red rose from a dude in the street and offered it to a beautiful lady singer in a bar, and even if I don’t particularly want to see her again, it still felt good to do something chivalrous and lesbiany you know?
I like living my life on my own, but some days I wish I could do those romantic things with somebody, like holding hands and cuddling, and walking along the river, and maybe kissing a little.
Even if I’m happy by myself, sometimes I still yearn for the day I’ll have my own lady to offer my roses to 🥺
inkaaaa hi hi <3
I'm doing pretty good, in drastic need of a weekend. almost there!
!!! gay vents are always welcome here! oh to look longingly into the distance whilst sighing wishfully...
do I ever feel like that YES absolutely in fact while pondering my response I did just that asjdfkl okay I might ramble in the tags but yeah completely relate to be happy with life on my own but sometimes wishing it wasn't just me yeah I'm definitely going to ramble in the tags
offering a beautiful lady a rose I'm 🥺🥺 sometimes you just have to indulge in chivalrous lesbiany actions this is unavoidable. manifesting this for you, I hope all your rose offering yearnings come true!
#this is so sweet and very relatable alksdfjs#only opting to ramble in the tags instead of the response bc I feel like this is going to get long lol you've been warned#but yeah. definitely do feel the happy by myself but sometimes wish I could be sharing that time with others#sometimes if i'm watching tv I'll wonder what new shows or movies I'd be watching if someone else was here#instead of the same eight shows I just watch on rotation all year (this is bc I like them btw. it's just hard to watch new shows#without external motivation to do so)#or when I'm working on the blanket that's been in progress almost two years. I wonder if I'd be making it in someone else's favorite colors#lot of little thoughts like this. some are fleeting and others I tend to get stuck on a bit or overthink#like breakfast for example. would I eat breakfast more consistently if I was also making it for someone else? what if they prefer to eat#the same thing every day? i need variety but I could make sure we always have their favorite fruit or put their cereal box out to make it#easier. or if getting the cereal out is part of their routine i can make sure their favorite bowl is always clean#i find myself wondering which of my mugs would be their favorite? which of theirs would be my favorite?#yeah i'm an acts of service person can you tell. also quality time... can you imagine the shared floor time conversations#a lot of the time I picture myself doing the exact same thing like watching tv and playing switch or practicing music or even working#the biggest different is just that someone else would also be here doing their own thing#to scroll tumblr in silence from the same couch... sending each other posts even though we're both right there. I do miss that#even chores would be more fun and go quicker I think. racing to see if they can do the dishes faster than I can fold and hang laundry#tidying and putting our things together in shared spaces. seeing them side by side just like we are#making the bed together and putting each of our stuffed animals on our own side#or maybe I'd just make it so they have one less thing to worry about#I think i've exposed myself enough alskdfj but there are quite literally hundreds more where those came from#anyway who wants to admit they have a crush on me (kidding) (ish)#asks#oops after posting this is looks like way more tags than I thought it would sorry anyone who made it this far
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#i don't mean to vent when i just got back on here but like#so i haven't had a midnight snack in months--just didn't feel the need--#but the night before last & last night i got a sleeve of saltines each--these were short sleeves of like 10-15#i got the box for my dad when he was sick because he asked me & it had been sitting there for maybe 3 months since & no one wanted them#but then tonight we had soup & my parents asked about the saltines & basically found out#& my dad kinda chewed me out--not about eating the last of them because there was another box they used--#but that that was way too much to eat & i eat too much & will get diabetes#which i feel just isn't true ?#without divulging too much i eat two meals a day (i don't like breakfast)--like a sandwich at lunch & then whatever me and/or my mom--#makes at dinner#maybe a snack in between but not often#& then some (like a serving size) of ice cream for dessert#like a get a lot of cravings but it's not often i act on it because food is expensive#anyways i felt so bad about what my dad was saying i started crying & he said i was being overdramatic. but i didn't finish my dinner#& now i don't even want to eat around him#i should probably just ignore him--i love him but he's one of those dads that gets so involved at work that he just wants to watch tv when--#he's off. & he thinks i'm basically the same person i was when i was eight years old--like i love mac n cheese & my favorite color is orange#but honestly i did suffer some disordered eating/body image issues in hs & i'm sure my relationship with food isn't completely healed#but it still hurts to see people think things about me that aren't that accurate#tw vent#tw disordered eating#rose.txt#To be deleted
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up to here with stuff before the convention plus work plus new puppy, will hopefully be able to catch up on messages and stuff (including several goth Opera scenes I want to draw 😭😭) at the start of may! For now, here's a Sophie Aldred interview in the NZ news!
#random#it has been A TIME and i am not concentrating well on anything at all#except on managing to not make my cosplays. ten days (closer to nine. and eight days till we leave)..........#we are also incredibly short staffed at work and between store managers so when i do work it's super intense and i'm covering a lot#without much help bc short staff plus normal managers running around doing store manager work#and raine is pretty high maintenance sweet as she is
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